Shit Thumbs keeps turning up as one of the search terms people use to find me. And now Breast Milk Ice Cream. I wonder, am I the only person living in the overlap of the Venn diagram that unites these two circles of people? Maybe! I bet the common ground that is me leaves neither party completely satisfied, though, and it pains me to be such a disappointing host.

So to all you breast milk ice cream scoopers and people hoping to shit-thumb a ride, I’m guessing (and hoping!) that the words you see before you aren’t exactly what you came looking for, but I welcome you just the same.

Hello! Hi! I’m so glad you’re here! But please forgive me if I don’t shake your hands.